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Breshvic Penicillin
Breshvic (full name Breshvic "Shoemakersville" Penicillin, Patron Saint of Sandwich-Making) is one of the main founders of the Revengerists, an idiot, and usually keeps the other members from annihilating each other over petty arguments. He is also tasked with protecting the Omniverse in which they reside form the metaphysical threatens it daily, and eventual wear-and-tear. His powers were learned in another dimesnion and he has to constantly concentrate to keep them from destroying reality so this potentially makes him the most powerfull character in the Revengerists' universe. His pony-tail (when he deigns to have one) is vastly superior to Jodalmighty's. His backstory is the most convoluted, due to several key factors: 1] many different writers decided to tackle his secret origin, each without consulting any of the others that had come before, 2] Breshvic exists in multiple realities at once, as countless parallel versions of himself, which even he admits is pretty confusing, and 3] Breshvic Penicillin is a liar. Breshvic Penicillin started life out a normal "boy," but when his mud hut in the (as yet) untamed wilds of the Koʻolau Mountains of Hawai'i was bombared by unhealthy levels of Cosbium-435 (totally NOT our government. no way. they would never do anything like this), and his family was brutalized and then melted by terrifying space monkeys from beyond the graves. They all survived. Comedy through "tragey" though, as Breshvic realized one day as he was drowning his pain in a cool Coors 16-ouncer (The Silver Bullet!) ''at the age of 4. he had the power to OBLITERATE people's MINNNNNDDDDS. FUCK YOU! you can't do that, and you're like... 35! i'm not saying you're old looking... but i can tell, you're 35. at least at heart. you have an old heart. heh. "old." BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT YOU WISH YOU COULD. and you'll never be able to do it because Breshvic is better than you. that's another one of his abilities. he's better than you, and your whole relation. He also has a power of anti-physics. you know "what goes up blah blah blah" bullshit that your teachers feed you your whole life? yeah, well, your teachers sleep with a gun under thier pillow becuase they are scared. scared of Breshvic. ...and they all live in bad neighborhoods, but that's besides the point. He single-handedly put an end to physics like that! : .... you... you couldn't see it... i snapped my fingers... i guess that kind of body language doesn't translate in written word. :: .... ANYWAY. FROM HIS GRIPPING ORIGIN STORY: "THE BULLSHIT MILL" : "It was another typical day in junior physics class at Point Cordial High, when things took a turn towards... the atypical! Mild-mannered Breshvic's seething distaste for physics had broken through its last tensile straw, and the very fabric of spacetime that held this particular entity in place with the rest of us tore like the flimsy wet blouse of an amateur porn artist! Young Breshvic found himself disembodied, floating wildly in a place with no shape or form, but more directions than previously revealed to him, and not easily explained in this format! Had he gone to that ethereal void of wraiths and gods? Had he crossed over to the land of the dead? HAD HE GONE UTTERLY MAD? Had he simply fallen asleep during another lecture? NO! It was in this astral plane between reality and dream, a nexus of dimension, the OMNIVERSE, that Breshvic first learned to use his powers! Here, clawing madly to survive from nightmare demons and malevolent cosmic shadows, he grasped just how useless and futile our knowledge of "physics" actually was! Gravity had no bearing on him or his surroundings as he supposed them! What went up need merely to stay there! He was certain of the exact position and momentum of particles at the same time! Matter could be created and destroyed at will! Two objects could occupy the same space at the same time! No longer would one action have an equal and opposite reaction, sometimes it would just pout in a corner or mutter under its breath! Space could not restrain him! Time could not contain him! He could shift from the physical to the realm of mere photon.. of dream.. of thought.. of light! His cat would be free from worry in the face of decaying atoms! (But sadly, not acute kidney failure.) But this new playground was but to spoil him. For back in his home reality, the powers that he had developed now for eons (but to the base physical world mere fractions of a second), would bear devastating consequence. He would have no choice but to lead a normal life, unadorned by abnormality, lest the fetters of science be undone, lest the cosmos be sundered in TWAIN! So, after an epoch of meditation and exercise in restraint, he returned to the very moment of his departure, and gasped his first breath ANEW! There, in that vessel, his god-like powers remained dormant! A wayward traveler in the Omniverse one moment, a shiftless anxious physical animal the next. But for the occasional telekinesis, time clock fraud, and spontaneous combustion of stuff with his mind, Breshvic kept his powers absolutely mute for that one day when the fate of the Earth would call... and leave its name and number, and reason for calling... and maybe... just maybe... he would get back to them." Co-Founding the Revengerists Later, while working his way up the ranks of some olde timey greasy sandwich shoppe learning the ''DARK SANDWICH ARTS, Breshvic stumbled upon two matters of arcane truth; the first, that he was at a Nexus of All Realities, and thus locus point for other Awesome individuals like himself, and secondly, that the dimension-displaced and nefarious Mr. Mind had been conspiring against him and slowly rebuilding his Monster Society of Evil using this Earth's most dastardly villains! Within months, young Breshvic had assembled a team of Awesomes (mostly regulars at the sandwicheteria), used their combined might to easily vanquish their foes, formed an unholy blood pact, acquired massive amounts of funds, relocated to an underground base of operations, and finished every season of the Wire with commentary by David Simon. Putting his sandwich aspirations behind him, (because after all, it was, as Breshvic put it, "just a job") he and the other newly-formed Revengerists vowed to be the protectors of all things Awesome, or even some other stuff if they get bored (Revengerists #0) POWERS AND ABILITIES Breshvic always seems to have a new power because he is kooky and unpredictible which is why girls like to be around him. They fall into the 'Anti-Physics' class at a Level Rating of Mega. Fully unleashed (only done in other dimensions or on one occasion on Earth) they are off the charts and can even kill a god! #'Transmogrication -' Breshvic has the transmuting powers greater than any known alchemist, and can use this to turn useless things into gold (but not to flood the market with evil, just to pay their bills if they are due) make water or air dense enough to walk on, or himself light enough to fly, can shoot flames or energy bolts or any other element or object, since he can create energies and mass out of nothing. He can also morph himself into other people or animals, but doesn't use this very often, believing it to be 'immoral' at worst and 'damn confusing' at best. He can liquefy any enemy or object such as ATM machines just by thinking about them, and pass through solid molecules as easily as liquid or gas ones. Can rip earth (or the Earth) apart with shockwaves if angry enough. #'Reversal' - Able to reverse almost anything, such as chronologic events in time, the movement of objects through space that may have broken, his own footsteps, people's memories, cause-and-effect, undoing sorcery spells, taking away the traumas of victims who may have been held hostage or raped or embarassed by something they did or said at school or work, taking away chemical transactions like uncooking food or making a butterfly a caterpiller, healing, de-aging, is able to understand and speak fluently the backwards talk of Bizarro or Mirror/Mirror people, can earn money by spending it, understand backmasked albums, undelete permanently deleted files, can change, nullify, or reverse the action-reaction paradigm, and reverse any attack on himself back unto the attacker as rubber unto glue. #'Invincible '- Has a constant mental shield around him that will turn any attack of the 'unclean' into a harmless fresh minty scent. This even works while unconcious or asleep because of voodoo spells increasing his power. Cannot be vinced. #'Invisibility' - Makes a great spy when he has to by bending light around him, nullifying his sounds and making other solid objects pass through him, becoming a practical ghost. #'Time and Dimensional Travel' - Breshvic believes that Ancient Gods on high Astral Plains gave him the responsibility of maintaining the order of all spacetime. Really they didn't but he thinks they did all the time protecting them. This means he can transport anywhere in all of space and time, and usually messes things up more than not, but also saved the World many times over. He tries later on not to time travel as much as teleport or travel through dimensions, but his selves from all the times he earlier already time traveled keep showing up because they already did that. He can escape this sometimes by going to alternate realities where he never did this. Can also stop time and take a nap. It is not known how he does all this but Fuzzman believes it is due to his ability to change the speed of light, not realizing it is autonamic like heartbeat or sneezing. #'Charm' - Breshvis was able to convice many stubborn team members to get along and even confuse villains about what they were doing with his amazing ability. He lives austerely like a sorcerer techno mage monk, but also always has a new love interest, because he can charm anyone from any type of social circle with the many cajun voodoo skills he picked up inadvertenly while couch-surfing down there after Katrina. This is a natural extension of his inborn mutant ability to generally get along with most anybody. #'Liquefaction '- just what it says, fool! #'Spam Filter' - spends hours each day moderating, approving, filtering, disapproving, and delting SPAM comments on the various website pages. #'Tagging' - Also likes to do street art and can change billboards, bus ads and any type of signage just by thinking about what he is looking at. He can carve into stone and cement with his mind, and rearrange print to fool enemies or pull a prank. He does this on facebook for bonus points. #'Flight' - Can reduce or eliminate gravity in a room, a planet, or for an individual. His preferred method of flight for himself and a group of others is this, since he doesn't need to turn them into gas. #'Power Explosions '- Charges objects or enemies so that they will explode with energy that wasn't there before. This can also be used to instantly create or eliminate speed and momentum without acceleration, so to create or pilot a ship, repel enemies or objects, or bring items closer. #'Bag of Holding' - Always has a tiny moronic pocket universe to store important items in. {C}Skepticism - Breshvic will be the first one to tell you that all of this is utter and complete hornswaggle. He will not, however, then go on to explain what 'hornswaggle' is. #'Soup '- Has the ability to heat up Cambell's soup with nothing but a microwave . Breshvic is sometimes a brooding soul type antihero because his job is to protect the universe from total entropy with the falling apart of all the laws of physics, but the only way he can acomplish this is by using anti-phsyics powers that go against all the laws of physics. He carries a horrible weight upon his shoulders, is mostly mad, and pretty stupid. Other Attributes Breshvic is a standard human and aside from his complete bullshit powers over the physical universe, he also has the practical abilities of locomotion, touch, vision, taste, smell, and sodium. He stands between 3'4" and 8' 8" depending on how much he's slouching, has a beard and doesn't have a beard, belches quietly, and does that really annoying thing when he takes a sip of hot tea and exhales "sssssp! ah!" Seriously, don't you just want to kill those guys who do that? It's fucking annoying and I can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours about how''' irritating that shit is'. I can understand sipping the tea, because it's hot, but doing that retarded exhale just kills it. Why don't you wait until the tea is merely warm and then take bigger sips without the loud hissing sounds and stupidity that preceeds it? GRAAAH!!! As one of the original Revengerists founders and longest ''consecutive member, he arbitrates disputes between other members by spreading gossip behind their backs and arbitrarily taking sides. He has been referred to as the 'glue' of the group, because he smells of chemicals. He also co-hosts the Revengterists Podcast. At an unspecified date in the future, Breshvic is on retainer to ride as the Harbinger of the Ohnoes! (one of the lesser-known, temp-hired Horsemen of the Apocalypse, between the Hangnail Reaper and the 404-File-Not-Found Mailer-Dæmon), working for Hallmark Cards, a subsidiary of Doom, Inc. He was once accused on national television by Glenn Beck of being a 'Latin Playboy.' Though he is neither, Beck put the burden of proof on Breshvic, and since he had no evidence to immediately refute the claim, it must be true. Breshvic is definitely not a werewolf. Meanwhile...back at the RANCH Most people would assume that this guy would have one of the largest impacts in the Omniwhatsit of any person, being, or astral thing you can fuck a stick at, but no. Again one would assume if this is not the case he's gone through great preparation and struggle to maintain the very fabric of our lives, but you'd be WRONG again, fucktoid! In fact just forget about anything you know, because it's all dumb. While he does have a great list of bad guys who are his enemy, it isn't because he's maintained some sort of line of justice or followed any sort of laws. He's probably one of the laziest guys on the planet and no one is just saying that to be mean. He refuses to use his powers to help anything or anyone and most people that would just be normal or good guys choose to be bad guys due to some sort of circumstance involving his inaction and the consequences that follow. MORTAL ENEMIES Forget about it, no one is mortal in this universe unless Odd Jog can take care of it, and that's saying a lot! I mean on a regular basis you can see comic issues that regurgitate used up villains like a bird at breakfast. When Breshvic was just a wee awesome he was battling the likes of Skyscraper Joe on a bi-anual basis, mostly by letting him fall off of the edge of skyscrapers, because you can't really fight Breshvic. His powers have made him so lazy, in fact that he inadvertently let Finite Contingency happen even though he could have just stopped Gorilla Gorilla and Suenami from touching that hyper-conduit and letting in all those guys from the Finite Dimension Prison. Most of his weird compulsions and habits have created many enemies over his life and even before/after he was born! Just look at it. In the magnesium age alone he had most every guy from Terrible Cow's band of Angry Folk gunning for the bounty on his head, wanted by Solar Pecsis for banishing his son Sales Pitch to the DARK dimension. Breshvic is always banishing people to the DARK dimension to be tormented by his ex. Sometimes he fights with Missile Blaster, but these encounters are never very serious as they are mostly an excuse for intricate drawings of explosions and lasers . His greatest villain is his own uncaring attitude toward most everything, which catches up to him and his inaction ends up causing events that force him into action. Like that one time he tried making one of the Interns get him a burger, but he eventually had to go on a series of adventures to save a priceless artefact. Encounters with Righteous Oxide It is currently unknown whether or not there's concrete evidence of any encounters with the Holy Scientific Defender, but it is known that in issue #24 of Revengerists Adventures that a man with canonical color scheme of Righteous Oxide appears on the third panel on the left hand side, partially obscured by a phone booth. Category:Revengerists Category:Lunatics Category:Awesomes Category:Stupid Awesomes